So I went back to my old middle school...

A boy scout friend of mine was selling tickets for a pancake breakfast fundraiser that happened to be at my old middle school. It was only until I had already arrived the day of the breakfast that it occurred to me that there would likely people from my middle school there.

I was going with my sort-of boyfriend, who I’ll likely post a story of why he’s a sort-of instead of a boyfriend, as well as two of my other dear friends. When we first arrived there, it was just me and Sort-of. I saw one of the girls I used to be the lunch buddy of when she was in 3rd grade and I was in 7th grade. It’s been so long that she’s nearly my height now. I kept walking in the line to get my food. We ran into another friend named Eric, and we went to sit down with him.

I looked up from my pancakes and saw him. Henry. My first crush. The guy who saw me when I thought I was nearly invisible. The guy who grew to desire to be popular. The guy who ignored me in high school. The guy who tried to get me back. The guy who told me he loved me. The guy who I spent months dreaming of hugging and holding. The guy who I danced with over 14 times at the middle school dance. Middle school. Where I was.

He glared at me. He didn’t want to see me. He sat back down with Lehannah, the asian girl who was my best friend in middle school, and then joined the bullies who made fun of me until I transferred to Henry’s school. The school that I’m eating breakfast in now. Henry and Lehannah have been dating for over a year as of January 4th. I know more that is mentally healthy to know in regards to their relationship. I still miss him at times. Then he makes fun of me and ignores me in AP Chemistry and I remember why I don’t miss him as much.

I went to get orange juice. I was waiting in line when Henry passed me. He glared at me again. I stayed quiet. I knew he didn’t want to talk to me, but I just wanted my orange juice. He stood there looking at the ground next to the orange juice containers. I didn’t want to ask him for orange juice. He got a guy who was busy refilling the machines to give me my glass of juice, despite Henry being an eagle scout who was supposed to be working. Henry has grown into a big butt.

I went back to the table. I passed Lehannah and she glared at me. Their families were eating together. It still hurts to see them. No one expected them to be together for so long. They’ve lost almost all the friends they had before the relationship. Once they’re done, they won’t have too many friends to turn to. They left them all to be together.

I ignored them until at least Lehannah and her mother left. Henry was still around but he only gave me glares. I just accepted this defeat. He’s not going to talk to me again. I wrote him a letter. I was really upset one night a while ago. I stayed up for hours crying and writing out my feelings in a letter to him while listening to Pink’s “Why Did I Ever Like You?” Maybe I’ll share it here. I’ve shared it with a few of my friends. It’s not the happiest thing I’ve ever written. I’ve debated on sharing it with him. I dunno, I guess we’ll see if a good time comes.

I just want some cuddles now.